Fuck
It's been long time since I was so full of negative energy. I'm not sad or tired anymore, now I'm just angry. Which is actually good, because in my case being angry is creative. Because when I'm angry I want to do something, say something, that I wouldn't probably say any other day. I wrote to annoying dA girl what I think about her 'I'm-so-hated-and-nobody-loves-me-I-want-to-kill-myself" journal entries, and guess what? I feel great now. And I will be probably ashamed of it the other day.
And what annoys me even more, is the fact that the person I am so mad with is unavailable right now. I can write a message or leave comment somewhere - which I did - but when she comes back, I won't be so angry with her anymore and I won't start a quarrel, because I won't care anymore.
And she won't care, that because of her few words, this stupid "sorry, I've got to go" I felt like the lonliest person in the world - against the problem which appeared too big for me. Because, you know, I was counting on her at that moment, I called her because I thought she would give me some idea or backup or whatever. Ok, I've never had big expectations or delusions towards her, and...
God, it's even more sad that she still was able to dissapoint me.
C'mon girl, if you are really so worried about someone you like and you really want to help him, do it next time. I've tried, I did my best, and you have no law to criticise me and suggest, that if everything turns bad direction now, you will blame me. It's just pathetic.
Arrrghhhht
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