You must have been so high

Ok, yeah, I was mumbling about winter and boredom and grey, depressing world, but c'mon.It was gloomy and sad, I was crying like...about half of the night, next day I got up early in the morning, it wasn't dark outside, then after yeah... fascinating practical grammar classes, I went on Piotrkowska street. God, it was first warmer day already and it was almost possible to f e e l, how the street is waking up, resurecting, whatever. People with instruments, cameras, foreign students... It is absolutely fabulous! today new literature classes with new instructor, she looks like witch from those russian horror stories my friend lent me. Scary like hell. She is almost a dwarf and she had this evil hidden deep in her eyes. And yeah, it is the point when new reading list for this semester is something I can get excited about. 20th century is nice, I remember half of those books and it will be nice to read them once again.
And I finished first part of my... hm..novel? Novella?"Impossibly plain vision". Very much roleplaying story, I started to write it because friend I'm usually playing with has her matura exams and therefore she is ignoring me currently. Our characters are there, they're back in early 1990's. 1994, yeah The year Kurt Cobain died. I know it's stupid, very, very stupid, but sometimes I wish i was born few years earlier. Partly because of the history and partly because of good music which I discovered too late. No chances to see and experience live version at all.
And you know, passing from winter downs to enthusiasm, empathy, poppies and creativity gives weird impression. I'm feeling... high
lol.

it's now my duty to completely drain you

Damn, my computer broke down, I'm using my parents laptop which is kind of shitty.
I'm continuing the idea of deconstructions and creations, I'm writing some kind of weird story about angels in the city. Feels so good to feel again. Too much Nirvana, I've got no music, only some old CD's, including their discography. Somehow is kind of... cool. I mean, no computer, just few minutes which I can make when my mum is not at home, listening to music I was keen on when i was in prep. school, good old times are back again.
I don't know if what I feel is being sorry for troubles with your girlfriend and compassion or the feelings I had for you and I still have some. C'mon, I'm a woman, I need to feel attractive, I admitt it, I need intimate contact. I just... feel need to sexual relatinship with someone. Or maybe it's just the hope for spring.

In the someday what's that sound

I don't want to feel depressed, tired and sick of everything! I want to feel light, better, changed. I need metamorphose, I need spring, I need fire, power, energy!
"...Need to express, to comunicate!
to going agaist the brain, going insane, going mad"
Deconstructions and creations help, but somehow... I feel they are bad. Fascinating somehow, tempting, full of destructive power, but not exactly good for me. Destructive, yes. Because you have right to destroy and cut in pieces everything and you're not supposed to feel sorry for it, it's just a piece of paper and you will use it to create something else. I'm already slightly obsessed about scissors and pictures in newspapers.
I want to... I want to cut my hair short... I mean shorter than they are after wisiting hairdresser. She dyed them pink, yes, splendid. Now they look like bubble gum. Bubble gum art is still art. The problem is, I want to have rainbow in my hair, I want them to be short and colorfull, and no hairdresser with slightest feel of taste will help me do it.

And I swallowed his fasade, cause I'm so eager to identify

And the winter exam session begins. Damn, I almost forgot how annoying it it. I got B from psychology and A from basics of sociology. Shame that I'm resigning from this course anyway.
Have been to Cracow, visited shisha bar. And I want to go somewhere again, when I find the oportunity. It's so depressing here during winter.

"... with someone above the ground,someone who seemed to feel the same,someone prepared to lead the way, with someone who would die for me"
I've never thought I would really feel those lyrics so deeply.