Your eyes, I say your eyes may look like his

Don't you want somebody to love,
Don't you need somebody to love,
Wouldn't you love somebody to love,
You'd better find somebody to love.

So annoying. And so true.
Aaaarght -.-

Enjoy the ride, the medicine show

According to 60th episode of House, I suffer serious lack of Vitamine B12.
This 'sense of guilt' thing, and so on. Pathetic.
It's kind of freezy outside. Few more days like this and I'd probably hate this wet, white thing falling from above.

That's the doubt - doubt, not trust in it

It will be ok
It will be ok
IT WILL BE OK!
I'm sure it will be ok!
Waiting for a message, huh.
...
If I am nervous about something I'm not involved in, how do involved people feel right now?

Find a friend in whom you can confide. Julien, you're a slow motion suicide

And the winter came. With cold days, landscapes behind the window of the train, Frankenstein and my beloved chocolate black devils.
My old phone is alive again, but I cannot connect it to my computer. damn.
I'm feeling lazy, warm and I'm enjoying my apple and cinnamon scent candles.
I'd like to read "Tender is the night" by Fitzgerald. I love sound of this title.

'Cause you're as individual as this cold world will allow you, brother

Hello again.
It's delightfully ironic (my favourite phrase from Robot Devil :D ) how big power our life has over our current interests. Books we read, songs we are listening to, movies we are watching. And the other way round.
Obvious, I know. But delightfully ironic anyway.

C'est le malaise du moment, l'épidémie qui s'étend

La fête est finie on descend
Les pensées qui glacent la raison
Paupières baissées, visage gris
Surgissent les fantômes de notre lit
On ouvre le loquet de la grille
Du taudis qu'on appelle maison

God, I'm totally into Placebo right now. And I'm thinking... I've read two previous entries, which were... ok, they were basically rants, I admitt. And in both of them I found this 'you-have-no-right-to...' phrase. What's with attitude? I mean... it's rather radical way of thkinking. Funny, usually I'm saying this kind of things when I'm drunk. Subconsiousness?
Yay, I will be the second Kira. And this world is rotten. Yes, I wrote something like this year ago, I still think like that, but you know what? I'm fascinated with this rotten world, and that's something new. And I guess I've really accepted this fact. No checkpoints anymore. It is hard though, and I think my growing more and more angry is price for living here and now.
Anyway.. Today I wrote two entries on two different portals, with more or less the same title and completelly different content.

Soon there'll be nothing left of me, nothing left to release

Do I really need to start every entry with 'fuck'?!
I guess so...well then... f u c k
God, it seems that people on the Uni have certain age and something like... more or less reasonable attitude towards life. I mean, they do not have this "I pay you, so I demand certain conveniences" kind of thinking. It was understandable - partially - in my high school, where we really had to pay tuition, but come on, it was high school, we were young and stupid. Ok, I was full of understanding during the first year, because we were new, we came from different schools, we didn't know what's going on and where are the toilets and so on... But I'm just not able to tolerate stupidity on second year. And I won't. Just so.

Hello, girls, wake up!
- Yes, we are on the second year.
- Yes, we are obliged to bring the materials for classes, yes, we have to go to the library, find them, copy and pay with our own money. So tiring, I think I can't bear with it. And we have to read this long books, articles, analysis. Horrible.
- Yes, classes last one and half an hour, not 45 or 60 minutes. No, nobody cares to change it because you have problems with concentration and can't sit in one place longer than 60 minutes.
- Yes, nobody cares that you have to learn descriptive grammar you probably will never need in your life, because you're not going to take specialisation in it. And drama, literature and poetry. And lingusitic. And USA and British Culture. And methodology. And speaking, writing, pracitical grammar and phonetics. Oh, wait, so what exactly are you about to take on your specialization?
- And yes, my dear angels, exams at the end of the term are to eliminate students. And they eliminate students, believe it or not. It's just foolish of you to claim, that They have no right to fail us and 'Can you imagine? this stupid bastard, how could he?! for what reason, she was learning this time". . They have the right to do everything what they wish. For whatever sick reason. Accept it. Deal with it. Or get the fuck out.
- finally - yes, we are fucking adults and we are on the fucking stationary studies on University. We don't have to pay any tuition, and so we DON'T have to learn anything, we DON'T have to read books and articles, we DON'T have to attend the classes and participate in them, we are NOT obliged to study here in general. But for Christ's sake,if we don't do any of those basic things, we have absolutely no right to moan and critisize every teacher we have contact with.

Yes, I know, I'm frantic over obvious things, but I spend like... one day every week listening to stupid claims and demands from people, who are not even feel like doing anything usefull, they just sit and talk about how they hate american literature teacher instead of reading few pages, so they would know anything and be more or less able to answer her questions.
So... yes, I am annoyed. Seriously annoyed. At the verge of shouting on innocent people.
Thank you for attention, goodnight.

things have never been so swell, I have never failed to fail

Fuck
It's been long time since I was so full of negative energy. I'm not sad or tired anymore, now I'm just angry. Which is actually good, because in my case being angry is creative. Because when I'm angry I want to do something, say something, that I wouldn't probably say any other day. I wrote to annoying dA girl what I think about her 'I'm-so-hated-and-nobody-loves-me-I-want-to-kill-myself" journal entries, and guess what? I feel great now. And I will be probably ashamed of it the other day.
And what annoys me even more, is the fact that the person I am so mad with is unavailable right now. I can write a message or leave comment somewhere - which I did - but when she comes back, I won't be so angry with her anymore and I won't start a quarrel, because I won't care anymore.
And she won't care, that because of her few words, this stupid "sorry, I've got to go" I felt like the lonliest person in the world - against the problem which appeared too big for me. Because, you know, I was counting on her at that moment, I called her because I thought she would give me some idea or backup or whatever. Ok, I've never had big expectations or delusions towards her, and...
God, it's even more sad that she still was able to dissapoint me.
C'mon girl, if you are really so worried about someone you like and you really want to help him, do it next time. I've tried, I did my best, and you have no law to criticise me and suggest, that if everything turns bad direction now, you will blame me. It's just pathetic.
Arrrghhhht

Sometimes you can't make it on your own

Hell yeah, my studies in english philology are warm and fluffy. People who were supposed to stay on first year are still with us. So lovely. My studies in sociology are... err... I've been there twice since inauguration, I even don't really know my group. I generally recognize the faces, but, oh, nevermind, I don't care.
Started smoking again. Fuck. Not that I ever truly stopped though.
I love the world, I love my friends, don't you want somebody to love, oh, don't you need somebody to love... dam dam dam
Some problems arise somewhere, on the margin, failures in comumnication, etc, but not today, my dear, not today. Life is life, there are always some not-nice things around. Just don't look at them.
It's snowing outside there. wtf?

sweet, sweet, sweet, used to be so sweet to me

And something called 'bitter victory' took place. I've shown my poetry teacher that I'm not stupid and I deserve her respect. So what?
Part of my old grupu didn't pass exams from descriptive grammar and probably they will have to takie 1st. year course one more time. This sucks. Really. During all school period I had lousy classmates, and now, I have to part with people who Ilike and respect over and over again.
And some poeople even don't care to ask, what's up in my world, even though we had no contact during last few days. Nevermind them. Just nevermind.
I've been wondering... some books like "We, children from banhoff Zoo", or polish "pamiętnik narkomanki" were written to shock and show kids that taking hard drugs is evil. But what if somebody would start to consider the idea of close and regular meetings with needle after reading them? That would be delightfully ironic.

run where you''ll be safe, to the garden gate

We know it. We can already feel it. The end of the season
End of summer. It was a good one anyway.
I'm sitting in the garden, eating grapes, reading, wondering, how this end will look like.
Sunny and peacefull or full of storms and rain? I like the first option, it seems to be more suitable, more convinient. We'll see.

- It's a brand new day, what should I do? - Kill yourself

Geez -.-
Srsly I should take something that would help me calm down. Pennyroyal tea or whatever. Or just go and see good psychologist.
Since... I don't know, last Wednesday I'm annoyed and anxious almost all the time. My parents are irritating, my grandma is... my grandma, you know. People on the streets are stupid, people in tv are just pathetic, some of my friends are on late holiday, some are back in school, some are ignoring me without any special reason, some are just being themselves. For example my friends from uni decided, that they want to retake poetry exam at the very end of the month. Since this exam is the main reason of my irritation, I want it to be over as soon as possible, but they have also other exams to pass and well, I have only this one and I should pass it without problems because I'm reading stupid poems which are not even written in english.
This. is. so. unfair. Just because they were too lazy or careless to pass them in June, doesn't mean that I have to suffer and grow more and more anxious.
And I lost very important letter from library today. And I'm not feeling like looking for it.
Yeah, yeah, I know, life's a bitch and then you die.
Peace, love and... there is no such world like 'aronia' in english. Stupid country.

Wake me up when September ends

Because September will be long, cold, poor and full of english poetry. Everybody loves english poetry.
Yes, Now I understand what was Green Day singing about. They were student's and they wanted exams to be over.
At this point I'm too lazy to learn, to work, to think about studies, to write. I just want September to be over as soon as possible.
And I quit smoking. On Friday. And today I asked some guy in the pub for a cigarette. Red Malboro, mmm. And tomorrow most probably I will be drinking and smoking. Perfect.
No, I'm not depressed. I have this feeling of stagnation. Lack of creativity.
Or whatever

Peace, love, candles!

Don't let me know we're invisible

Button-eyed people will get us. Sooner or later.